Tuesday, April 29, 2014

A Complication of an Honest Illness

Last Friday was supposed to be the official release of Soulbound, and I was supposed to put together my tour and bargain my soul for some sort of mediocre success. None of that happened. Depression has kept me locked away, and I've struggled to work on my book at all. I have about 7 pages of notes given to me by one of my ARC readers, my beta reader is willing to invest a substantial amount of money in the project, and I have other backers interested in getting me started. But for some reason, I can't move forward. My arms weigh down like the ground is trying to suck them in, my chest aches, and my eyelids want nothing more than to stay closed all day. During the night, I struggle for an ounce of sleep, and when I wake up in the morning, I feel as though I've not rested in months.

All of the passion I had for life has drained from me, and with it, the passion that drove my writing has wasted away. I received the cover for The Soulshifter--my serial novel--a few weeks ago, and have been so down that I can't even bring myself to reveal it. The artist did a wonderful job, and I can't thank her enough for the time she put into it, but for some reason, sharing it, showing it off, feels like a commitment I'm not ready to make yet. As if revealing it on this blog will somehow prove that I have the courage and the physical strength to move forward with my project.

Part of the worsening depression stems from the loss of my cat and of the four family members and one childhood friend who passed away last year. It comes from my mother's cancer and from my family trying so hard to stay close, even while I wasn't living at home. I feel responsible for things that I have no control over--things like how my mother is the only one who is cleaning and doing yard work, laundry, and taking care of the house, while my sister plays video games and my dad works himself into the grave. I can't help but believe that their lives would be easier if I had just stayed living with them instead of moving out again. I realize these things are not my fault, but that doesn't make them any easier to cope with.

I keep trying to go back to school, too, because no matter where I go or what I do, my intelligence is short changed and I'm made fun of for getting a degree in English Literature. Yes, it was an easy out for me at the time, and being totally burnt out from high school and getting a rejection letter from the Air Force Academy nudged me into changing from MCDB to an easier program, but I worked hard to get the degree I wanted. Yeah, I made the mistake of not doing another program alongside it, like business or teaching, but it still hurts to have people think of me as an idiot, and it hurts worse when they outright say it, as if it won't have an impact on my mental well-being.

Ever since I first began writing, my goal was to be a writer. No one could tell me to do anything else with my life, because there was so much passion, so much fire, so much belief that what I was working on would give others courage to move forward with their own projects...but then something happened, and I don't know what it was. It happened years ago, because I can see no other reason why this manuscript has taken so long to complete. I thought I caught the fire again, but...then, only a few people of the ARC group actually took the time to read Soulbound, a book I've worked on for near 13 years now. I started the damn thing when I was 14. I'll be 27 in November...and I've accomplished nothing that I set out to.

Soulbound was supposed the be the first in an eight-book series, which would eventually spin into a trilogy of YA prequels, a 12-book MG series, a set of serial novels, some picture books, a hand-written journal/sketchbook, and a number of stand-alone manuscripts. I've started just about every one of these--the first book of the MG series is half done, the first of the YA trilogy is almost 2/3 complete, I've 10,000 words of one of the spin offs written, and the first serial novel is complete through Part Two... Yet I can't move forward and finish them. Soulbound just needs about two weeks of revising and rewriting, but it's like my brain and body are fighting me every step of the way, screaming, "You can't change it again! It was supposed to be done!" Even though the changes would benefit the novel in the long run...even though I have a number of book stores and breweries interested in signings...even though I could keep going, and I should, I physically can't, because all I can think about...all I keep wondering is..."What happened to me? What changed to make me so numb and tired all the time?"

I work out just about every day, and I eat fairly healthy, I'm losing weight, but I can't seem to gain energy. Am I not eating enough? Am I just meant to fall into the pits of depression and never reach out again? Are Marik, Eti, Clae, and all of the other people of the Soulbound world meant to drift into anonymity, just because I can't bring myself to continue such a massive project? I don't know. I might never know. I want to fight it, to make myself better, to be stronger and work hard, and I can't seem to. I only have one life, and it might be substantially shorter or longer than I want, but as far as I know, I only have the one. That used to be enough to kick me into gear and get me going. So...what changed?

Maybe it was me. Maybe I've changed, the dreamer blown away in the wind and the bones rooted into the dirt and rock of reality. I don't know. I'm a thinker, and I always have been (you can thank my father for that), and I need time to think, to sort my life out and to get myself figured out before I can move on. The problem is, while I think, life is passing by a day at a time. At this time, all I can promise is that the project will continue, somehow, some way, it will. I can't walk away, because it consumes me, even when I think of nothing, it eats away at me. If I can beat this crushing depression, I can move on; that's what I keep telling myself, but maybe I should be thinking, "This depression is no handicap; it is fuel. Hate it and burn it to create."

Maybe I can, and maybe then, I can move forward again.

Thursday, April 24, 2014

Featured Book of the Week: Week Three: The Healer's Legacy by Sharon Skinner

Each week authors can submit one book for a chance to be the featured book of the week, and each week one book/author will be selected at random. The winning book each week will be featured on http://www.malloryrock.com, multiple book blogs, and social media platforms from various sources.

Are you an author? Would you like your book to be the next Featured Book of the Week? Check out all the details and entry form here: http://www.malloryrock.com/promos.html.

Sharon Skinner

Author of the YA/Crossover Fantasy, The Healer's Legacy

Book synopsis/description:

Orphaned by war, haunted by unknown origins, and chased by a warlord and his army of brutal soldiers. KIRA is a young woman on the run from her abusive mate Toril, the hero turned warlord, who led the country's forces to victory against the outland raiders. Only that was before his love of power consumed him. Now, his only focus is on tracking down Kira and making her punishment an example of his power. Her only advantage lies in her ability to telepathically communicate with her traveling companions, Kelmir, a large hunting cat, and Vaith, a miniature wyvern. But the quest for freedom isn't the only struggle Kira faces. She must also come to terms with her past choices, whose echoes drive her present. And now, the future of the land and people she has come to love depends on the decisions she will be forced to make.

To purchase The Healer's Legacy, please visit Amazon.com.

Short author bio:

Sharon Skinner has been writing stories and poetry since grade school. She is a voracious reader of anything and everything, but her writing tends to be focused on fantasy, Steampunk, and the occasional ghost story. She holds a BA in English and an MA in Creative Writing, and works hard to continuously improve her craft. Sharon also teaches workshops on creative writing and engaging audiences. She is an active member of SCBWI (Society of Children’s Book Writers and Illustrators) and currently serves as the Assistant Regional Advisor for SCBWI AZ. When she isn’t traveling around the country to present at Cons, such as Emerald City ComiCon and Phoenix ComiCon, and various book festivals, she spends her time writing, re-visioning and editing. She currently resides in Mesa, AZ.

You can visit Sharon on her website at http://www.sharonskinner.com/ or visit http://www.healerslegacy.com.

Excerpt from The Healer's Legacy:

Kira tasted blood. She ran her tongue along the inside of her swollen mouth and winced. The cut on her lip had reopened. Shifting in her saddle to ease the pain that burned through her body, she glanced at the men who rode beside her. They were tough and strong, battle-hardened soldiers, two of Toril’s fiercest fighters. “Escorts,” he’d called them. Kira knew only too well what they really were.

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Each week authors can submit one book for a chance to be the featured book of the week, and each week one book/author will be selected at random. The winning book each week will be featured on http://www.malloryrock.com, multiple book blogs, and social media platforms from various sources.

Are you an author? Would you like your book to be the next Featured Book of the Week? Check out all the details and entry form here: http://www.malloryrock.com/promos.html.

Thursday, April 17, 2014

Featured Book of the Week: Week Two: My Soul to Keep by Gracie Lea Silverwood

Each week authors can submit one book for a chance to be the featured book of the week, and each week one book/author will be selected at random. The winning book each week will be featured on http://www.malloryrock.com, multiple book blogs, and social media platforms from various sources.

Are you an author? Would you like your book to be the next Featured Book of the Week? Check out all the details and entry form here: http://www.malloryrock.com/promos.html.

WEEK OF APRIL 14TH WINNER FEATURE

Gracie Lea Silverwood

Author of the nonfiction memoir, My Soul to Keep

Book synopsis/description:

Most little girls dream of tea parties and playing with dolls. Their biggest worry is making sure mommy or daddy chase the monsters out of their closets and out from under their bed. However what happens when your own mother is the monster, instead of the arms of love and safety? “My Soul to Keep” is the story of Gracie, a disabled little girl who, from day one, knew she was an unwanted child, just trying to survive and avoid her mother’s daily abuse. All the while, she struggled to hide her pain from the outside world.

To purchase My Soul to Keep today, please visit: This Web Page.

A Note from Gracie:

Thank you for allowing me to be on your site! It has taken me 32 years to get to this point in my life to be comfortable enough to share my story, it was very nerve-wracking to write because even though I love writing I have never written anything for the public before. I am a stay at home mom who is wheelchair bound because I was born with cerebral palsy. I am originally from Canada, but now I reside with my husband and children in a small town in Kentucky.

- Gracie

You can visit Gracie on her website, Facebook page, or Goodreads.

As the blogs progress, I'll be adding excerpts from the authors to give you a sample of the book and the author's voice. Enjoy!

Excerpt from My Soul to Keep

It was also that summer I discovered what a daddy of my own really was, even though he was technically my stepfather he never treated me as anything less than a biological daughter, and I was a daddy’s girl through and through. Along with a new dad I also gained another big brother whose name is Steve, and even though we only got to see Steve in the summers, he immediately accepted me as a little sister and not just a step sibling. It was Steve who took me on my first rollercoaster ride, when one weekend during a summer visit we went to Boblo Island Amusement Park near Windsor; it’s one of my favorite childhood memories. In my eyes, my daddy was my personal super hero, however, I also knew he was addicted to the same drugs as my mother. Unlike my mother, he was never mean or abusive to me and he tried to be a buffer when he could between me and my mother. She just learned to be more discreet about her insults and “punishments” when daddy was around, well in the beginning anyway.

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Each week authors can submit one book for a chance to be the featured book of the week, and each week one book/author will be selected at random. The winning book each week will be featured on http://www.malloryrock.com, multiple book blogs, and social media platforms from various sources.

Are you an author? Would you like your book to be the next Featured Book of the Week? Check out all the details and entry form here: http://www.malloryrock.com/promos.html.

Thursday, April 10, 2014

Featured Book of the Week: Week One: Imbroglio by Alana Woods

Hi, all! So, Mallory Rocks Arts is doing an amazing promotion to help authors, bloggers, and readers get connected! Each week, an author is chosen and Mallory sends out e-mails to all participating bloggers, letting us know what to post about. As part of the writing community, I'll be involved, and if you have a blog, you should sign up! If you have a book you want featured, check out more information on her Website and see if you can get your book on 10+ blogs to help get word out about your passion!

WEEK OF APRIL 7TH WINNER

Alana Woods

Author of the suspense intrigue thriller, Imbroglio

Book synopsis/description:

On a dark night in far north Queensland a car runs off the road and bursts into flames. Driving closely behind Noel Valentine doesn’t hesitate to pull over and drag one of the occupants to safety. In rescuing David Cameron she has an inkling of what she may be setting in train, but no idea that one outcome will be a fight for her own life. His baggage includes a shady lawyer, traitors and money launderers.

Would she have saved him if she had known she would be facing sharks of the finned as well as the two-legged variety? Her aim? To stay alive.

To purchase Imbroglio today, please visit this page.

Author Bio:

Alana Woods ... intrigue queen. As a novelist, that's me. I toyed with 'thriller queen' as an author description but my novels are much more suspense intrigue to my way of thinking. I don't believe in cheap thrills, I like them to have depth.

I have two suspense intrigue novels (thrillers), a short story collection and a writing guide for budding authors published to date, and I’m reworking a third thriller—which has spent several years in a drawer while I thought about it—that I hope will be out this year.

Quality is the name of the game—my career was as a professional editor—and it’s what I aim for. I have a Bachelor of Arts in Professional Writing and a Graduate Diploma in Communication. I was serious about being the best I could be.

Visit my website and send me an email, I'd love to hear from you. Let me know what you think of my books and if they're suspense intrigue in your opinion: http://www.alanawoods.com.

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Each week authors can submit one book for a chance to be the featured book of the week, and each week one book/author will be selected at random. The winning book each week will be featured on http://www.malloryrock.com, multiple book blogs, and social media platforms from various sources.

Are you an author? Would you like your book to be the next Featured Book of the Week? Check out all the details and entry form here: http://www.malloryrock.com/promos.html.